2008 Goals: Complete an Ironman in 12 hours

2007 was a wildly successful year. I am sitting here typing this and thinking of all that I have right now, and I know that one year ago many of the most important of these things were unimaginable. When I take a glance back and try to size up the distance I've travelled, mostly figuratively, from what I was then to what I am and have now, I'm humbled. What was the most important lesson to me in 2007 was understanding that I am a collection of my failures. This is not at all as bad a thing as it sounds, and I think what I really had to learn was that failure, taken properly, is a most marvelous force in life. It was not the negative I had always thought it was. The part of failure that we often overlook is our response to it. I think I finally understand that failure is an inevitable condition of being human. What marks the successful person from the one whose life has stagnated is the direction and attitude they take afterward. If 2006 at Ironman Canada had not been so rotten, I would not have re-examined my training and my assumptions about myself as an athlete. I would not have made changes that otherwise seemed too far out. And I certainly would not have run an easy and joy-filled marathon on race day.

All of this examination comes with two conditions: honesty with ourselves, and a careful balance away from the arrogance that success can bring. In 2008, what do I really want? What matters to me? What accomplishment will give the most widespread fulfillment? The pursuit of an ever faster Ironman has to be the answer. I want to stay humble, I want to keep asking myself how I can squeeze out yet another minute of time saved on the swim or the bike or the run. I want to know how I can do this while still maintaining a decent relationship with friends and a total effort at work. The funny thing is, I win whether I fail or succeed.

Week of January 1

Saturday       My first run of 2008, and thankfully it isn't in the -19 Celsius / -29 windchill that we've had in most of eastern Canada since returning home from London. In fact, it's -4 Celsius, so I'm out for an easy 1.5 hour run. There's so much snow on the roads that the run can't be anything but easy. I run with my Asics and I'm quite happy when I'm on the packed snow around Sunshine Gardens. Running in the traffic along Waggoner's Lane is a bit scary. Crawling up Golf Club Road and seeing how much fitness I've lost in the past month is almost scarier. I really put the emphasis on relaxing my legs below the knee and letting my foot lightly tap the ground. Even so, my quadriceps and hip flexors are exhausted when I turn around at the far end of Golf Club Road. The careful trotting on icy and snowy roads makes me feel like I'm running bowlegged. It's hard not to compare myself to last year when I was (trying to) get ready for South Africa and running longer distances. 1h30min

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Week of January 6

Friday       Friday night in Ottawa. Things don't look at all like they did the last time I was here. The snow is more or less gone and the weather is almost spring-like. When we start running this evening, however, there's quite a wind blowing and the water and slush are freezing on the road. I feel great the minute I start, probably because it's so late in the evening. We run along the flooded Rideau River up until Montreal Road, then take North River Road for another mile or so. Running along North River Road was like a surprise, a haven of quiet with little traffic and bare pavement. The road ends after about a mile, and on the way back I speed up a bit. I'm really into running a long distance tonight, so just before Montreal Road I double back and redo North River Road, this time on my own. The quiet of the evening has kind of seeped into me and I want to take a closer feel at what's going on inside while I run.

I've really made progress in runs where I've explored the limits of fear and the effect that fear has in terms of creating self-restraint. Whenever I run and ask myself "What am I afraid of?", the answer is always "Fall in", which doesn't really seem to answer that question at all. OK, so maybe I haven't got an answer to what I'm afraid of, or maybe I'm afraid of finding out what I'm afraid of, but I seem to be able to get around that by knowing what I should do about it. Just fall in. And that's just the image I have in my mind as I run: falling forward into my next stride. I listen to U2's Bad, which seems so perfect for this evening. 1hr

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate

If I could throw this
Lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

To let it go
And so to fade away
To let it go
And so fade away

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no

If you should ask then maybe they'd
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Blue silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go...

This desperation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Let it go

And so fade away
To let it go
And so fade away
To let it go
And so to fade away

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no

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Week of January 13

Sunday       I'm so glad to see the sun this morning when I wake up, so for once I don't really mind going for a long run before noon. I'm just not a morning person. Don't get me wrong - I love being awake early and mornings are very special times. I just can't seem to get my body going until after lunch. Still, I feel half-decent when we start. Not very supple or strong, but not nearly as bad as I felt during our morning runs in London. The sun is out and my running song is Paul Brady's The Island. It reminds me of my marathon in Penticton last summer during Ironman Canada, and the view of the mountains on the other side of Skaha Lake. We run to the Rockcliffe Parkway to see if we can run on the paved trail parallel to it, but there's still too much snow and ice. So back toward the Canadian Police College, around the RCMP stables, then toward the Aviation Museum. My sweetie turns back toward home and I keep running a bit longer alone. The sun is out, I'm well dressed, and the pavement is clear - I really want to take advantage of these conditions and put in as many miles as I can. I really enjoyed having such a huge aerobic and running-specific base last year that I want to replicate that if I can for 2008. That means finding every opportunity I can to run over 1.5 hours.

I head up a long hill away from St Laurent Boulevard. The hill really takes something out of me. Phew, I've got a lot of work to do between now and Lake Placid! The road takes me to the entrance of some huge abandoned facility, which I realise is CFB Ottawa. It's great to run on traffic-free roads, but it's eerie to see how decrepit this ghost-town is. Some of the married quarters are still occupied. At the turn-around, a road that looks like the farm roads I ran this summer near the cottage in Keremeos, I start feeling a little tired. That makes me happy, because this is usually the point where I really start doing some self-discovery and some good hard work to see how I can keep running through the fatigue. I start looking for any tension, any movement I can tweak, any new way of thinking about running that will save energy. I run lightly off the ball of my foot and my toes, trying to get more leverage out of the simple act of a footfall and turnover. Back at St Laurent I turn toward the RCMP stables rather than heading straight home. It would be nice to get close to two hours today. I was reading Runner's World this morning, which had an article about the growing popularity of ultramarathons. It must have inspired me for today's run. 1h50

Tuesday       Today's sun melted some of the heavy snow on the roads left over from yesterday. We were out for a very quick run tonight, only 40min. I had that quiet frame of mind again, and it felt nice to just trot along without much effort and settle into a stride that felt more like a little tap on the ground than a real push. I remember one of my favourite excerpts from Roger Joslin's book, Running the Spiritual Path, called Touch of God. I always think of it as touching the Earth with my feet in a way that graces the ground, thanking it for what it provides me. It's an exercise that seems to bring a very simple joy to my run for however long I can keep up the focus, and it also makes me very conscious about my step, trying to get lighter and lighter on my feet until I feel like fleet-footed Joan Benoit Samuelson. Almost. 40min

Saturday       I haul myself out for an early afternoon run today. Tomorrow is supposed to be frightfully cold and I don't want to wait too long today because of snow forecasted for later on. I'm really, really not feeling good. It's mostly leftover symptoms from poor diet over the past few days. But I'm determined to be out for as close to two hours as I can. We run to Sussex Drive, turn up to the path along the Rideau Canal. My sweetie turns back after about 30 minutes of running while I continue on. I have to shorten my stride and really relax otherwise I'll never last two hours.

I spend most of the run thinking about a speaker invited to our class this week. A very highly placed bureaucrat, someone who can be called a success if you measure the number of ranks they rose, the level of responsibility they have today, and what is clearly a knack for operations. But also a person who never once referred to their employees, nor to the sense of responsibility one at such a rank ought to have in shaping a compassionate workplace. References from the class about humanity, challenge, and resilience were met with the same bland response. It takes me the entire run to figure out that whatever I do in my career, I must never ever turn into what I saw this week in that guest speaker.

I turn around near Hog's Back and shuffle slowly toward downtown Ottawa. I'm really struggling now, and there's a wicked headwind as well as flurries to add to my misery. But I did get my two hours in.

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Week of January 20

Thursday       Yep, I haven't been running since Saturday. Cold, snow, late evenings. It's a typical January. I go out for a run alone this evening, which, given the -15 Celsius temperature, is pretty amazing. But the nice thing about Ottawa is that the wind is much kinder here. I go down Beechwood toward St. Laurent and I'm pleasantly surprised at how clear the sidewalk is. It's also nice to feel like I'm running well. I put the ChiRunning stuff to work, pulling up my stature and relaxing my legs as much as I can. Wow, things are going really well. I get to St Laurent and turn left toward Sandridge, pass the Canadian Police College, and trot along until the road becomes too snowbound to keep going. Then back home by retracing my steps. I can't believe I manage 50 minutes in this cold.

Friday       I had the afternoon to myself and I was really hoping for a nice long run. It was warm, road conditions were good, and I had a pretty good route in mind: Down Mackay, past Rideau Hall and to Sussex Drive. See the Prime Minister leave his home for the office. Along Sussex to Mackenzie, turn back, and back up Mackay. After 40 minutes of dead legs, wheezing, and low blood pressure I trudged back and called it a day.

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Week of January 27

Sunday       It's my sweetie's long run today. He's decided to sign up for a spring marathon, something I vowed I would never do again after Two Oceans last year. That doesn't stop me from joining him on a really nice Sunday afternoon in Ottawa when just about everyone and their dog is out and about. We head for the path along the Canal. Both the path and the Canal are pretty crowded since sections of the Canal opened yesterday for skating. At about the halfway point my sweetie and I start practicing some of the ChiRunning stuff, including one of my adaptations. As you run, rate your level of perceived exertion on a scale of 1 to 10. Then relax as much as possible while running, until you feel as if you're tipping yourself into each stride, and you're able to isolate the muscle groups working to keep you moving. Your rate of perceived exertion (RPE) should be quite low now. The trick for the rest of the run is to keep your RPE at that low number while trying to achieve the speed of the former higher RPE that you had earlier in the run. To do this, you need to carefully examine what muscles became tense when you started to speed up, or find areas of unnecessary tension that you can get rid of. It's quite a tough mental exercise, but a phenomenal way to increase efficiency and endurance. 1h55

Thursday       There's no wind tonight! In Atlantic Canada, that's always an exceptional thing and an occasion that must not be left aside. We've had some big weather fluctuations in the past few days, and the freeze-thaw cycles have left most side streets covered in a thick, smooth layer of ice. I do the Sunshine Garden loop four times because it seems to be about the only road that's both traffic-free and has enough bare pavement here and there to run on. I like how I feel tonight: upright, loose, strong core. I can tell that I've been spending some time on the elliptical trainer this week. Over the four loops around Sunshine Gardens, I try to pick up speed gradually while loosening up even more. The only muscle groups that are working are my adductors (inside thigh) and gluteal groups. As I speed up I find my arms coming up higher and closer to my torso, which is kind of a weird and insecure feeling. 1h15

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Week of February 4

Thursday       Wow, I'm down to one run a week. Clearly we are in the midst of a very Canadian winter. Things aren't that cold right now, but there's been an awful lot of snow and roads are narrow with poor traction. But I really feel like running tonight and I know that Sunshine Gardens is always a decent route. February 7 is my anniversary at work and the Chinese New Year for us Rats, so it's a great day and it's going to be a great year. I want to celebrate with a run. I go around Sunshine Gardens for an hour, doing quite well given how hard I've worked my legs this week. I like thinking of today as the first day of the year. 1hr

Saturday       What a beautiful day! When I wake up in the morning, I know I'll be running today no matter what. It's actually not a good idea, given that I'm participating in the Law Enforcement Torch Run tomorrow and doing all 23km from Oromocto to Fredericton, but there's the possibility of a snowstorm cancelling that run. And if that does happen, then I'll regret not going out and making the most of today. If I do go out for a run today and then try tomorrow's 23km run, I'll be struggling to keep up with the group. I decide to enjoy today's weather and risk tomorrow's pain. What a price we pay for sunlight in winter! As I'm standing in front of the closet surveying the huge mound of shoes and boots I've got tossed in there, I spot my yellow Asics that I haven't worn since December. Hey, why not give them a try? Sure, I had some pretty bad runs with them, but that was just a coincidence, right?

I do the usual boring route around Sunshine Gardens. It isn't too much fun this far into February, but it's pretty much the only safe route left close to home. I add Waggoners Lane and watch for traffic. The Asics-bad run coincidence is now more than a coincidence: it's a solid cause-and-effect link. I'm struggling to keep an easy pace and whenever I pause, my legs tremble. How frustrating, especially when I know that after all the bike and elliptical training I did this week I'd be having a great run right now if it wasn't for the shoes! The lesson here is never, ever to rely on other people's advice when it comes to footwear. The Asics were a recommendation of a very experienced sales clerk who had done lots of marathons. Oh well, they'll make really cool walking-around shoes in summer. 1h25

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Week of February 17

Sunday       A gorgeous day for the Special Olympics Torch Run that's done by law enforcement agencies. Actually, anyone can participate, not just peace officers, and that's why I'm here today. It's sunny with a teeny bit of wind. Thirty-odd runners are gathered in the movie theatre at CFB Gagetown, ready to run the 13.9 miles (23km) to Fredericton. We start out at a very fast pace because there's this horrible, nasty b^&*V running with us who decides to set the pace, and in doing so she decided to overlook the fact that, as a local marathon winner, she was rather faster than the rest of us. She tore a strip off the police driving the front escort vehicle, tried to run by the vehicle on several occasions, and ignored any advice from the driver that she slow down because the group was getting too stretched out for safety. Thankfully, Superb%^&h left us just before we passed the Fredericton Airport.

But even after she left and we settled into a more reasonable 8:30 - 8:40min/mile pace, I still suffered for most of the run. The starting pace had been way too fast for me, and once I found my groove, my IT band found its groove too. The wacky weather of the past few weeks and slumped the centre of the road so that I was running with my right leg just a little higher than my left leg. Two-thirds of the way through the band was causing me agony as it had never done in my life. I had to grunt to control the pain and sometimes it seemed as if I had the breath taken out of me. We ran as a group through Fredericton, and regardless of what this did to my knee I did really enjoy the occasion to be out with some good runners and to have an entire 13 miles of asphalt to run on.

Saturday       Another sunny day, but this time in Ottawa. It's my first workout of any kind (other than swimming, which I never count as a workout) since the torch run last week. It has taken that long for my knee and hamstrings to recover. The problem with my hamstrings surprised me, since I had thought that they would be a good deal stronger and capable of handling running. But I haven't been doing all that much yoga in the past few months, so muscles are awfully short. As Gordo Byrn points out on his blog, tight muscles are weak muscles. Today my sweetie is doing an easy mid-distance run (7 miles) and we go down toward the Rideau Canal. I keep ahead for most of the run since I'm enjoying my stride. The second half of the run is quite painful: my hamstrings complain every time a leg hits the ground, and I have to play with my posture to find some relief. And the Canal is crowded, we pick a bad route through the Byward Market and I get angry as we keep dodging people. Not a fun run at all. 1h10

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Week of March 2

Saturday       You've probably wondering where in the world I've been in the past few weeks. Actually, if you've been wondering that, it's because you obviously don't live in this part of the world and you're oblivious to the weather. Snowstorm, freezing rain, temperatures going up and then dropping by ranges of 20 degrees Celsius....It's a record-breaking winter as far as precipitation goes. Today was a very small interlude, a +5 Celsius overcast afternoon between two freezing rain warnings. It's the only day that I get a combination of daylight and bare asphalt that make running safe at this time of the year. I start out and do some running in the street behind Waterloo Row. The decision to go for Waterloo Row first rather than Sunshine Gardens or Golf Club Road is deliberate: I want to get out of my routine, to get a little more used to trying new things. I'm a terrible one for getting in a rut, so if I can start getting out of it on the little things, then maybe that will keep going into the big things.

It feels so great to be back running. My posture is tall and strong, but I also notice that I don't have the strength or endurance I had earlier in the year in spite of the work on the elliptical trainer. I trot back across town on Charlotte Street and add some time around Sunshine Gardens. I don't start really hitting my stride and speeding up until the 1h30 mark. And by them my right hip is killing me. I'm blaming it on the shoes, which are long past their due date. 1h45

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Week of March 9

Wednesday       When I leave work this evening it's warm enough that the streets have cleared up a little. And the return to Daylight Savings Time means that even though the snowbanks are making the streets pretty narrow, there's enough daylight for the remainder of the evening to go out for a run and not worry about getting hit by a car. I decide to wear my Asics, even though I don't like them very much and they almost guarantee a bad run. I'm testing the theory that my latest bout of IT band syndrome is caused by my very old pair of Nikes. I really want to go out to Golf Club Road because I always associate it with peace and quiet. There are lots of other runners out this evening, all of them going around Sunshine Gardens like me. I follow a very fit-looking couple ahead of me, and it's nice to see that I can keep up with them. Then on to Woodstock Road and up Golf Club Road. Wow, have I ever lost some cardiovascular capacity. I struggle up the steep part of the hill, then eventually get back into things as I go by the golf course. So far the Asics are comfortable and my knee and hip are doing very well. I don't like how my stride feels - more rounded and set back than I usually run - but it is nice to run pain free.

I turn around at the far end of Golf Club Road and start my way back up the hill, I remember a run I did on this route a few years ago when I was getting into Chi Running. I had been thinking of Aristotle's quote, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." And I had putting that literally into action: running "excellently." I try it again this evening and it's as deeply satisfying as I remember it. So why don't I do it more? Like most people, I just don't remember or I get distracted for a while. But to paraphrase a quote, the true strength of a mind is its ability to bring itself back to the task at hand. I run down the hill, slog up slushy Marlborough Drive, then take a chance on the trail between Marlborough Drive and Hanwell Road. To my amazement, the freezing rain we had two weekends ago has been covered with the very lightest dusting of snow, and the surface is now hard and smooth enough to run on. It's absolutely beautiful, almost a fairy tale. Back around Sunshine Gardens and home, pain free. 1h15

Saturday       Woohoo! I get to run twice in one week! When I went out for groceries this afternoon I noticed that even though skies were overcast, roads were clear and it was quite warm. And these days my general rule of thumb is that if it's daylight and the roads are clear, I'm out running. I'd really like to do two hours, but I'm not sure if I'll be happy enough with the Asics to do that. I go out to Waterloo Row and lace back in the quiet streets. Overall I feel OK. I've got Afterglow in my head and I spend a lot of time thinking about relaxing my hips and adductors. But I miss the relaxed, higher knee lift when I run with adidas. I cross town again and do a loop around Sunshine Gardens. Even though I'm keeping a very easy pace, this run is turning out to be quite a cardiovascular workout. My lungs are burning and I even stop a few times to catch my breath. OK, so I didn't have much to eat last night and I did do a hard indoor bike session, but this is brutal. Andi it's only a 1h30min run!

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Week of March 16

Monday       I'm on a roll. Three days of running in less than a week: what a luxury! I'm sticking to my rule of thumb of running on days with clear roads and broad daylight, so even though I put a lot into the past weekend I'm back out today. This time I've got a new pair of sneakers, adidas Response Trail. They have to be the ugliest pair of shoes I've ever bought. They're so bad I'm sure I'll run faster just so that people don't see me for very long. They're dark bluish grey, and the lining is hot pink. I'm feeling nauseous just typing that. When I start my run I also find they're a little too cushy for my liking. And as with most trail shoes, the heel is still low (to increase stability on rough terrain.) But they're definitely not as bad as the Asics even if the ride is way too soft. Hm, maybe I can find a heel wedge for the Asics.

Anyway, I go for Sunshine Gardens. Remember Gizmo Watch? It's with me too. My curiosity about my pace has finally gotten to me, and I want to see if I've gotten any faster over the past year. Gizmo Watch is pretty schizophrenic on that topic. I'm somewhere between a 5:04min/km and 6:30min/km pace. I struggle up Golf Club Road and I'm disappointed when I find I'm not recovering on the second hill after the really steep one. The wind is blowing very hard (it was 44km/hr when I left) and the surface of the road is doing a funny melting/freezing thing with the snow drifting over it. Then I catch up to a group training for Boston. I can keep up with them for about two kilometres before I gratefully opt for the path back home instead of following the group up Marlborough Drive. It's nice to have a sense of what it feels like to run strongly, however. I can't keep it up for very long. 1h25

Wednesday       A mild evening and my sweetie and I are out on the streets enjoying it while it lasts. Tomorrow may be the first day of spring, but the weather is bringing in more winter. I've added heel cushions to my new adidas and put my orthotics on top of the cushions. It's all part of an effort to get more of the forward feel that I like in my running shoes. The adidas are better than the Asics, but still a little to soft for me. We go around the streets behind Waterloo Row then go for Sunshine Gardens, picking up a little speed on the way. My waist seems to be really working hard today. That's a good sign; it means that my core is engaged, and the forward tipping of the shoes seems to be bringing my hips in line where they should be. 1h20

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Week of March 23

Tuesday       At last, Ironman training has begun. Only 117 days left until I'm standing in Mirror Lake along with 2200 other people. I make it to swim practice this morning, and this evening I've got a 1h05 run that I turn into 1h15 until the cold chases me back home. I put the heel wedges in the Asics tonight to see if that would make a difference in my running, and I'm pleasantly surprised when I start down Northumberland. This is going to be a good run. My legs feel tight and strong, I've got good shoes on, and I'm in an introspective mood. If you read Gordo Byrne's great blog, you might have remembered him once mentioning a book called The Artist's Way by Julie Cameron. It didn't seem like the kind of book I thought someone like Gordo would recommend, so the fact that he wrote about it in such great terms made me go out and get a copy of my own. The funny thing is, once I got the book I put off reading it. For months. For whatever odd reason, I was afraid to open it up, start the work in it, and in doing so take responsibility for the things that aren't working in my life. Not that there are many, but there are always some.

But I also see Ironman training as a chance to start setting the foundation of the kind of life I really want to live. So this weekend I started reading the book and had just finished Chapter 1 this evening before my run. That's the chapter with the affirmations, most of them based on the notion that we are not ourselves creative, we are merely conduits of creativity from a greater spirit or power. It's an idea I've always loved, and some of my best runs last year were when I let that concept take over. I'd imagine that it was not my own energy moving me forward, but something greater than me. I tried it again this evening, combining it with a lot of the ChiRunning stuff to take advantage of posture and power. For a few strides I'd feel things click: my arm swing would be strong enough to lead my legs, my hips would be totally engaged, legs and ankles totally relaxed. Sustaining all of that didn't turn out to be a problem at all. The cold was a problem; I was underdressed for what I thought was going to be a mild winter evening. 1h15

Thursday      I saw a flock of Canada geese flying north this afternoon on my way back home from work. I was at the top of the hill and the geese were no more than 50 feet over the road. I cheered up right away, and the first thing I thought of was the start of Ironman Canada last year, all of us standing on the beach, the helicopter chopping overhead, and the Canada geese that flew right over us. "Nature won't let you down." And it really did feel like spring today. I couldn't believe how much snow had melted by the time I was starting my run this evening. I wore the Asics without the heel wedges since I was starting to get a bit of pain under the metastarsals from the increased pressure on the forefoot. But I felt great even so. My legs were very tired from yesterday's tough bike ride, and I opted to go home after two loops around Sunshine Gardens instead of three. In the meantime, I enjoyed the high cadence, the light feet, and putting more emphasis on getting my core and my butt to drive my legs rather than vice versa. I was a bit disappointed about heading home after only an hour of running: a good post on Slowtwitch about the training characteristics of US Olympic marathon qualifiers as well as an article about runner's high in the New York times all talk about the benefits of putting in the long distances when you're training, more so than favouring high intensity workouts. The only drawback to high mileage is less time to recover and a greater likelihood of injury. 1hr.

Thursday       My first real long run of the year, and it's only two hours. I try very hard not to compare myself with where I was last year: getting ready for my trip to South Africa, and having a reservoir of endurance far larger than what I have today. I put the heel wedges back in the Asics and head out to Waterloo Row. I'm ready for a tough run: I didn't eat much for supper last night, and my stomach was growling this morning when I woke up. Translation: not enough glucose stores to get me through a short run. The first half of the run is OK. My sweetie and I have been talking about ChiRunning, and something I keep coming back to is the early footstrike. I found a good article about running technique and correcting for overstriking. I try it out as I lace through the streets between Waterloo Row and University Avenue. Basically I do more or less what the article suggests: put your foot down sooner than you think. Nothing fancy or elaborate about it. Right away I tip forward and my stride shortens by several inches. My butt also starts to really generate more of a push-off at each stride, and by the time I've started down Charlotte Street over to Sunshine Gardens, those muscles are aching. Last night's bike workout has already fatigued them. I wonder how they'll manage in an Ironman, when 112 miles of biking in hills will have exhausted them, and then they'll be expected to push through a marathon.

Hour Two is a doubly-whammy of low blood sugar and a tired butt. I trot around Sunshine Gardens, go over to Marlborough Drive, and shuffle slowly up one side of the hill, down the other, then retrace my steps. Hm, this is a great hill for repeats if I do both sides. I go back to Sunshine Gardens but I'm really struggling now. Dizzy, HUNGRY, and unbearably thirsty. Shuffle back home. 2hrs

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Week of March 30

Tuesday       The temperature is rising tonight; snowbanks are melting and because there's absolutely no wind, there's a heavy fog that makes running around the city so peaceful. I put on my Asics without the heel wedges - I think the Asics and I are starting to get along - and go out for a long easy run. Twice around Sunshine Gardens, out to Marlborough Drive, up and back twice for lots of hills, then back home. I've got my heartrate monitor on tonight for the first time in ages. The numbers seem awfully high for the low rate of perceived exertion: this is an easy run, but my heartrate is averaging 152bpm, except toward the end of the run when I loosen up and pick up the pace. The footstrike work that I was doing on Saturday seems a bit easier today, although I still can't sustain it for the entire run. At least my confidence is up a little; I don't know if I could have run this distance so easily last week. 1h35

Thursday       Almost warm enough not to wear a tuque this evening...almost. I still went out with one on, and even my winter tights, but the edge of winter has definitely been replaced by spring. I listen to Bruce Cockburn's beautiful Somebody Touched Me before starting tonight's tempo run. It seems as if it's been a long while since I've run with a good song in my head. Everything is very tight for the first few minutes of the run; my back is aching from weightlifting and a swim practice with lots of pull buoy, my legs have the snap to them that means short hamstrings, and there's no swaying or give in my hips. I take it easy for the first 15 minutes around Sunshine Gardens, then start to push a little as I make my way over to Marlborough Drive. My heartrate monitor is showing a much lower heartrate than Tuesday; I'm averaging about 148bpm for a much higher rate of perceived exertion. Must be the song. Having something external like that helps drop all that clutter from my mind and fall into the rhythm of running more easily. I go up and back Maarlborough Drive twice to get more hills. I'm really dragging on the last one; to keep pushing I remind myself of the old cycling adage that hills are speedwork in disguise. I got a copy of a DVD of highlights of Lance Armstrong's Tour de France stages from 1999 to 2004, and I'm pretty inspired by cycling tonight. There's great footage of him in some of the mountain stages, holding back and waiting in the pack, then suddenly moving into the lead and breaking away at an eye-popping acceleration. Lots and lots of hard work, hours in the saddle and really getting to know the bike until riding it becomes a sixth sense.

On my way back I go back through Sunshine Gardens and really start pushing. I try something I've noticed in previous runs, and that's to look up at the sky or at the tops of trees as I run. The result is instantaneous: my body tilts forward, my chest opens up, and I really start moving without any real additional exertion. What exactly is going on here? More experimentation required. 1h05

Saturday       Cool, drizzly and wet, but warm enough to finally for the first time this year were my adidas Supernova. It's nice to be running in shoes that are light and solid. I'm inspired by more Lance Armstrong/Nike ads on YouTube today. Something about watching what commitment is all about. My route today is the usual Sunshine Gardens/Golf Club Road loop. I've got my heartrate monitor on and it stays in the low 140s until Golf Club Road, then maxes out at 159bpm in the steepest part of the hill. I'm quite proud of that. I make sure to keep the pace low and steady. Back down Golf Club Road, now getting very cold as the drizzle becomes more insistent, and out along Woodstock Road toward the old highway. I've also got gels and my Fuel Belt on today since I don't want a repeat of last week. Surprised how easy this run was. 2h15.

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Week of April 6

Tuesday       Warm enough for my lighter long running tights! And my adidas Supernova! It's twilight as I start down Northumberland and I feel incredibly heavy. I'm having a hard time breathing and my heartrate feels very high. Nothing special, around Sunshine Gardens. 1h15

Friday       I get out very late this evening, and what I love about running late at night is that I always seem to run well. There's something about the lack of traffic, the roads all to myself, the quiet time to just reflect and let it all melt into a good stride. Actually, my stride feels very unusual, possibly because I've been biking outdoors for the first time this year and doing lots of power surges on the hills. It seems as if my footstrike is earlier than usual and I'm running with a very high turnover. This is all good, mind you. I'm just not used to it. Two loops around Sunshine Gardens, out along Woodstock Road to Golf Club Road, up Marlborough and back, then back home. I want to accelerate on my way back but it's just not in me. 1h30

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Week of April 13

Sunday       I switched my long run to today based on the weather. It cleared out as I was running this afternoon and things were much drier than they would have been had I gone running yesterday, but I'm not sure switching runs or even going out at all was a good idea. Yesterday I had an unusual lower back pain and I was feeling very weak; today the pain was down into my right hip and agony from the moment I woke up in the morning. I was pretty happy that I could run at all, and things were going wonderully until, at exactly two hours into the run and on my way back home along Woodstock Road, I could barely lift my right leg. The tilted sidewalk had suddenly made the hip worse, but the hip pain had obviously been building up for a while. It was one of the worst hip pains I had felt in years, and it was just as shocking and angering as the ITB pain I had had a few weeks ago during the torch run from Oromocto to Fredericton. I stopped and stretched a few times - relief came when I was bent over at the hip - and found that if I ran faster and back on the road instead of the sidewalk, things got better.

Anyway, I looked it up when I got home. I'm guessing I have inflammation in the tensor fascia latae as a result of lots of biking and a change of running style, which have exhausted the gluteal muscles. Yesterday's sore lower back was a sign that something was about to go wrong. Ah well, knowledge is power. 2h30

Tuesday       She's known here at work (where there is a steady supply of patients) as a miracle worker, a knight in shining armour, queen of pain (relief), but I just call my ART massage therapist the best. Thanks to her, I'm running pain-free tonight. The right TFL and hip area are a little bruised but otherwise I'd never guess that two days ago I was stopping every few minutes on my run to let the pain subside. Now if only I could find an equally effective remedy for feeling fat and heavy as I run. A few weeks ago someone posted a question on Slowtwitch about getting ready for his first Ironman, and I posted a reply that had all sorts of nice, lofty stuff about being committed to a training program because of the satisfaction (rather than committed to the event) and most of all respecting your body throughout the training season. And here I am going for chocolate bars, skipping supper, eating late at night, and gaining weight. Not happy.

One loop around Sunshine Gardens and I'm feeling a bit better about myself. I bought a copy of this month's issue of Yoga Journal a few days ago, and found a nice half-page about one of the most famous mantras used in yoga and meditation, Om Namah Shivaya. There's a short paragraph about the rough translation of the mantra: "I bow to the divine Consciousness within." There's an even better one from a website that first says that there's not even a rough translation of the mantra, but otherwise goes something like this: "Om and salutations to that which I am capable of becoming." I often meditate with that mantra and find that in moments of quiet, but I find it hard to put in practice as soon as I stop meditating. I just don't understand how to make it relevant to life in action. That doesn't stop me from running really well tonight. Up and over Marlborough Drive twice without any effort on the hills, across town along Woodstock Road and George Street, loop back to Northumberland going through downtown, and after 1h30 I feel refreshed.

Thursday       Last night after my 1.5hr bike ride I went for a run. Just a short little run to get used to the transition after the bike. I started out from home so sure about how fluid and strong I would feel, and if you're a triathlete then you know the cold hard reality that hits you when you get off the bike and your legs tell you what they really think of this idea. I couldn't believe it, but I only lasted 15 minutes. And tonight was just as brutal. It was supposed to be a one hour tempo run. What it probably looked like to the people out walking was a slow shuffle. My legs were stiff and tired and completely resistant to the idea of going anything over "really, really slow" on my speed settings. There's not much you can do in times like these except go with what your body is telling you. I eventually did start speeding up, but it took about 35 minutes. 1hr

Saturday       I totally overdress today. I was out earlier running errands and thought things felt kind of cool. Um, maybe that's because I was wearing capris and didn't have socks on. Still, it's 11 degrees and I dress up as if it's 5 degrees. My legs are still upset that they have to run after a bike workout (yesterday). I go through the first hour reminding myself that it's OK to slow down, finding the shortest stride that will make things easiest for me. I really struggle up Golf Club Road and I even walk twice. This is getting more and more frustrating. I find things get a bit better when I start using my hips a little more, extending the legs back almost from the waist. Where do I find inspiration? I remember some runs last year in the middle of summer; I'd pass through one of those hot spots on the trail, a short length where for whatever reason - foliage, angle of the sun, side of house - the heat seemed suddenly suffocating. And I'd think to myself, "Tough it out. Stay here, don't resist it. This is what race day might be like". That's what I do for the other one hour of this step-back week run. Just stay in the discomfort zone. 2h10.

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Week of April 20

Wednesday       A beautiful day yesterday meant switching bike rides and runs, so I'm out tonight on a very cool (2 degrees) and breezy evening. It took every ounce of effort to get out the door and go running this evening. I was late back from work and kept finding every excuse not to go out. But I remember one of my favourite Lance Armstrong/Nike ads, the one where he's being filmed while providing a blood sample for drug testing and he's saying that people keep asking him what he's on. He replies, "I'm on my bike, six hours a day. What are you on?" Effort now will pay off in Lake Placid. So I put on my shoes, step out, and surprise myself at how good I feel. Yesterday's bike ride - a hard 1.5 hour effort - didn't turn my legs to mush as I thought it would. Instead, my legs feel like they're effortless and they tell me that I can just relax while they do their thing. In the second half of the run as I start getting a little tired, I work at making sure my core and my hips stay engaged in each strip, rather than just stiffening and slumping. I can really tell the difference in speed and effort. I cross town, around Queen Square, and back through downtown. I'm a little tired and I'm surprised that my quadriceps are getting stiff after a 1.5 hour run. But I feel fit, and that's a good thing. 1.5h

Thursday       I feel exhausted tonight. Deep down tired. I'm still out for my run, but that tempo run has again been switched to a 1.5hr moderate run. Toward the end of the run I decide to try the pedestrian bridge for the first time this year. The river has flooded considerably this week because of melting snow further up. I'm the only one on the bridge, and I enjoy the sound of my feet patting the boards. I can also hear the high water rushing around the bridge columns; it's unreal how loud that is and how strong it sounds. I marvel that we can design a bridge that, after such a long life, remains completely immobile and calm above the rush beneath it. 1.5hrs.

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Week of April 27

Saturday       Where have I been, you ask? In flu hell. Last week I finally succumbed to that horrific flu bug that has been going around since March. I probably had the virus for several weeks before symptoms went full blast; that would explain the fatigue since beginning Ironman training, and the constant just-under-the-radar congestion. And from the sounds of it, I think I'll be dealing with the after-effects for just as long.

I feel good enough to try a run today. It's a gorgeous day here, which makes the flooding situation all the more surreal. The first 30min are the toughest of the run: my eosaphagus is dry and burning, I'm a little dizzy, and my sinuses try clearing out again. I slow my pace down as much as possible until I'm just tipping over my toes and trotting forward. Around Sunshine Gardens and out along Woodstock Road on the path to seehow far I can go until water stops me. That's the end of Angelview Park. I turn around and cross town until I come to the pedestrian bridge. As I run across I can see how widespread the flooding is on the north side of the city. It's eerie to cross over Riverside Drive, normally one of the busiest streets in Fredericton, and not see a sign of life on it. It's barricaded because of the rising water; I feel like I'm in one of those movies about abandoned cities. Over the little bridge just beside the soccer field, and the water is actually flowing through the spans. Wow, that's amazing. A bird that looks like a huge black swan diving and resurfacing. I'm a little stiff but thte coughing and sniffling have long since gone. Trot back home quietly. 2hrs.

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Week of May 4

Tuesday       Back in Ottawa for a short spell. It's an absolutely lovely evening here, so we head down toward the path along the Rideau River for an easy 13km run. I'm again surprised by how stiff I feel, the result of that flu that seems to be hanging around. We keep the pace easy and I enjoy looking around at the sunlight through the trees, the aura of gold and green. All is wonderful until we start going through cloud after cloud of the small flies that hang around over the path. Eventually the clouds become one continuous fog, so dense that we're running and coughing them up. We go for the street and keep heading south. Pass Lycée Claudel, pass a Riverside Campus, and out into a quiet, well-to-do neighbourhood. My body feels like it's into the third hour of a marathon. This is incredibly discouraging. On the way back, I start working on different ways to overcome the fatigue: looking up into the trees, more upright posture, listening to Numb by U2 in my head. It all helps, but I'm so grateful when we finally get home. 1h20

Thursday       The rain clears out this afternoon and out I go for a tempo run. As with all previous tempo runs, this one gets downgraded when I assess my heartrate and legs and find them exhausted. I did a long, hard bike ride yesterday and discovered just how much power I had lost in my legs as a result of the flu. Now my heartrate is pounding and I'm in such bad shape I have to walk up long stretches of Golf Club Road. How am I ever going to recover and be fit enough for Lake Placid? This is scary.

Around Sunshine Gardens, then along the path to Golf Club Road. There's a gorgeous evening mist and late evening sunshine that makes this run feel peaceful. I huff and puff up Golf Club Road, and drastically reduce my pace at the top. It's the only way I'll manage to finish this run without my heart exploding in my chest. At the far end of the road, I stop for a while before heading back. The sound of frogs and all sorts of chirping surround me; I take a long few moments to let it all sink in. It's the brink of summer, of long lazy nights and easy moving, and you can just feel it everywhere. I love thinking of summer stretching ahead before me. I run back very slowly, and work a lot on technique: hitting the ground earlier with my foot, springing up my feet so that my heels kick up a little more. My hips are very, very stiff, which might be the main reason why running is so slow and tough.

There was a good article in the New York Times today about the triathlete's dilemma of trying to improve in three sports. The article looked at the physiology behind it and the evidence that improvement in one or two sports will always come at the cost of performance in the third. Running suffers the most because of the additional muscle built in the quadriceps and upper body as a result of cycling and swimming respectively. Swimming suffers because of the exhaustion from running and the impaired ability to kick as part of propulsion. Physiologically, the phenomenon is even more evidence that cross-training is not beneficial to one's primary sport (though this is one of those training myths that will never, ever die: people absolutely refuse to believe it). I know my running improves only when summer is over and I've cut back drastically on cycling. My cycling only peaks in early spring after months on the indoor bike trainer, but after the outdoor running season has ended in December. And I always suck at swimming.

The New York Times reporter who writes the story gives the impression that they wonder why triathletes would put up with diminished performance: why not just chose one sport and be the best in that? But the challenge of triathlon is to put the three together. Non-triathletes see triathlon as three separate sports: a swim, a bike, and a run. It's not. It's one holistic event, one challenge of mastery, and that's why people in it are Type A personalities with considerably more drive (for better or for worse) than in other sports. They understand that it's not about being the fastest swimmer, biker, or runner, but being the most accomplished athlete with an aptitude for continuously learning new things. There is so much to learn in triathlon - from the techniques involved in each sport to the minutiae and strategising in a race that go far beyond one-sport races - that you are a perpetual beginner, and with that status comes perpetual humility. So I guess there's a lot to be said for being in a sport where you can't be at your best. 1h20

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Ironman ~ Anything is Possible.

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Last updated on May 9 2008 by Helen Rooney